homemaking with loojie: 03/01/2003

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

The catchiest tune in the world accompanies a guy who, er, loses his head.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

You live in California when...
  1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
  2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
  3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
  4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
  5. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
  6. Someone asks you how far away something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You live in New York when...
  1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
  2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty.
  3. You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
  4. You think Central Park is "nature."
  5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
  6. You've worn out a car horn.
  7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You live in Alaska when...
  1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
  2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
  3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
  4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
  5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You live in the Deep South when...
  1. You get a movie and bait in the same store.
  2. "Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
  3. After fifteen years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
  4. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
  5. Everyone has 2 first names.

You live in Colorado when...
  1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
  2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, and he stops at the Day Care Center.
  3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
  4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You live in the Midwest when...
  1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
  2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
  3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
  4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
  5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different! "

You live in Florida when...
  1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
  2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
  3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
  4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
  5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people
  6. You don't know how to vote...

Thursday, March 20, 2003

For the syllabically-challenged, here's Einstein's Theory of Relativity explained using words containing four or fewer letters.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

An Iraqi makes the case for war in Iraq by shooting down a dippy American. Too cute.

Sunday, March 16, 2003

From sickpuppies:

The following ad in "The Atlanta Journal" is reported to have received numerous calls: "Single Black Female.....Seeks make companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an 8-week old black LABRADOR retriever... Men are so easy........

Saturday, March 15, 2003

Need some affection?

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

A forward from Darshani:

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day.? Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem!? I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.? Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog
has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are.? The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And cat would not obey them.
And when Adam and Eve gazed into cat's eyes, they were
reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

Monday, March 10, 2003

Watch all the Windows icons kill each other -- in Chinese no less!

Friday, March 07, 2003

I want to visit all of these...

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

You must read the absolute funniest Two Towers review on the web. From Dave Barry, of course.

Heck yeah, cure stupidity.

Monday, March 03, 2003

Rund herum das Mulberry Bush, usw...

Fang das Wiesel!

homemaking with loojie