homemaking with loojie

Spinning wheels got to go round.

posted by JCA @ 7:26 PM 0 Comments  

Watch La Joconde make faces at you. Go Mona!

posted by JCA @ 9:58 PM 0 Comments  

I just bought Anthony a Roomba. We'll see if our apartment gets vacuumed now.

posted by JCA @ 2:03 PM 0 Comments  

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

posted by JCA @ 3:08 PM 0 Comments  

Be a winner at the game of life.

posted by JCA @ 6:12 PM 0 Comments  

Need a gift idea for me? I would love a framed (or even just matted) copy of my favorite New Yorker cartoon.

posted by JCA @ 9:50 PM 0 Comments  

Little Lego people! I love little Lego people! They star in Irregular Webcomix.

posted by JCA @ 4:34 PM 0 Comments  

Zero Wing sez: All your base are belong to us. Then everyone else sez it too.

posted by JCA @ 5:47 PM 0 Comments  

Every so often I'll get the Star Wars Gangsta Rap stuck in my head. Listen, and so will you.

posted by JCA @ 3:42 PM 0 Comments  

Actual Newspaper Clippings:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD.
HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

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FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

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FREE PUPPIES...
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD,
PART STUPID DOG

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GERMAN SHEPHERD
85 lbs. NEUTERED.
SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE.
BETTER BE REWARD.

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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

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NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED,
CALL CHUBBY

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HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER -
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

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GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE

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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.

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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER &DRYER $300.

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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

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OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

posted by JCA @ 9:34 PM 0 Comments  

A comparative study in Bum Wines. Thanks, but for $1.99 I'll stick with Charles Shaw.

posted by JCA @ 3:52 PM 0 Comments  

I am in love with Funny Cide! Oh, I hope he wins today...

posted by JCA @ 2:04 PM 0 Comments  

another fun mousegame to waste your time: bubblebees.

posted by JCA @ 5:56 PM 0 Comments  

I never read Anne of Green Gables growing up. It's about time.

posted by JCA @ 9:52 PM 0 Comments